A little bit stronger…

I am getting stronger (I usually say better like I am sick or something). I do not cry every day anymore about what I think things should be, or what I feel I am missing. I am feeling content it being Aiden and I. Although few and far between I even have those days that I feel I am doing a good job as a mother and life in general. It’s amazing to me how little things can make you return to a moment though, a smell, a taste, a song etc. I went to Florida and ate at a BBQ place. Aiden asked me to have some of his BBQ sauce. As soon as I tasted it, it took me back to when we lived in SC and went to this restaurant for the first time and Billy would not leave me alone until I tried the sauce he liked. Or when I went to the Air Force football game a couple weeks ago driving through the gate made me tear up. I know dumb. Or how I can not eat dots anymore. I am getting stronger though a little every day. At this rate I should be back to normal in about 14 years!



A Little Bit Stronger lyrics ~Sara Evans

Woke up late today and I still feel the sting of the pain
But I brushed my teeth anyway
I got dressed through the mess and put a smile on my face
I got a little bit stronger
Riding in the car to work and I'm trying to ignore the hurt
So I turned on the radio, stupid song made me think of you
I listened to it for minute but I changed it
I'm getting a little bit stronger, just a little bit stronger
And I'm done hoping that we could work it out
I'm done with how it feels, spinning my wheels
Letting you drag my heart around
And, oh, I'm done thinking that you could ever change
I know my heart will never be the same
But I'm telling myself I'll be okay
Even on my weakest days
I get a little bit stronger
Doesn't happen overnight but you turn around
And a month's gone by and you realize you haven't cried
I'm not giving you a hour or a second or another minute longer
I'm busy getting stronger
And I'm done hoping that we can work it out
I'm done with how it feels, spinning my wheels
Letting you drag my heart around
And, oh, I'm done thinking, that you could ever change
I know my heart will never be the same
But I'm telling myself I'll be okay
Even on my weakest days, I get a little bit stronger
I get a little bit stronger
Getting along without you, baby
I'm better off without you, baby
How does it feel without me, baby?
I'm getting stronger without you, baby
And I'm done hoping we could work it out
I'm done with how it feels, spinning my wheels
Letting you drag my heart around
And, oh, I'm done thinking that you could ever change
I know my heart will never be the same
But I'm telling myself I'll be okay
Even on my weakest days
I get a little bit stronger
I get a little bit stronger
Just a little bit stronger
A little bit, a little bit, a little bit stronger
I get a little bit stronger

How do you know???

So I asked a guy I know if his wife has changed since they got married? He didn’t answer me, probably because he didn’t want a long drown out Melissa thought process talk LOL. They say people never change. Is that true? I was married to a guy who said he wanted a family ( 2 kids, dog, house, 2 cars…) after 4 years and and our son just turning 1 he decided he wanted to go out and have fun. I think that was a change. So when you start a relationship and someone tells you they are a workaholic but they only work 40hrs and always come home on nights and weekends do you assume that that will change because they told you they are a workaholic? Or if someone says they are religious but never go to church do you assume that they will someday decide to start going to church because they told you they are religious? They say opposites attract. If that’s the case should you get married to your opposite? So often I hear we grew apart, well if you were opposites in the beginning doesn’t that mean you were always apart? I was told that people should look back at when they were dating. If you are truly honest most of the things you complain about, the other person have been doing since you started dating. So can you really complain about something they have been doing all along? So my real question is HOW DO YOU KNOW? How do you know what is real when you start dating? How do you know how to listen to what people say and not what they do? Or watch what they do and not what they say. How do you sort it all out so you don’t make the same mistakes as before?

A Little Girl

So last night I found out my older sister is having a girl. A girl… No one can believe it after my boy and her 3 boys we were sure our family couldn’t make them! So what do I do? I went strait home and drug out my little girl box. Yes I have a little girl box. With Billy I was almost guaranteed a little girl on our second shot. I plopped it on the bed and started to take stuff out. I could tell I got most of it before I had Aiden. It has a bunch of cute dresses, shoes, even pink sunglasses no baby actually needs and hardly any of the practical stuff like sleepers and onesies babies spend most of their time in. As I got closer to the bottom of the box I came across this little black German dress. I so remember the day I got this dress. Billy just came home from Germany he was taking out all the things he brought home, A German wooden plate, some statues, kinder eggs of course, some special German alcohol, and last but not least a little German dress. I said Hunny what is the dress for? what if we have a boy? He said that’s ok we will just have to keep trying tell we can use our dress. Last night as I held my dress I just cried and thought of all that was or could have been. So today I will take my little girl box including my little German dress over to my sisters. I will give her some of my happy memories. And after I see Lainie Kathryn in the pink sunglasses I will know I kept my pink box for a good reason!